Monday, July 11, 2011


What to do. What to do. I really don't know what to do. Isaiah 43:1-2 is on my mind. Tells me not to be afraid, God is taking care of me. I am at the point where I am done, I am going to give it all to God. He knows what is best. Being upset is just hurting me, no one else. If I am needed I am at the same place. There is no one that can come into my life, or anything that can be done against me by someone else that would make me turn my back on anyone. I have been very forgiving in my life, I have even forgiven the person that took my mother from me.
Life is way to short to be dealing with crap, and this is not a dress rehearsal. You get one chance to live your life. If one decides to live life to only have fun and party, some day one will wake up one day and wonder were there life went. Don't get me wrong, I am not perfect. That is why I am able to say it, there were a few years that I was in bad things. I needed to forget and hide the hell that my life was. Didn't make it any better, just made me more sad.
There was only 2 things that ever made me proud, my 2 kids. That was it, the only thing that I was proud of. Proud how close they were, proud how beautiful they are. And that I thought they loved me. Those of you who know me, know my life was a big crapfest. I dealt with it, and survived. God has been the big healer in all of it, and I thank Him everyday. I am giving it all to Him. He knows what is best for me, how to deal with the pain and sadness, how to survive the guilt.
There are some out there who get mad that I blog, it sure beats the alternative, like just shutting down and ending it all. This actually helps, I write it and let it go. God bless you all and have a joyous evening

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